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His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, by Willard F. Jr. Harley
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The popular and bestselling marriage book that has changed millions of couples' lives is now the inspiration for a powerful video curriculum for your church or small group.
- Sales Rank: #6104 in Books
- Brand: Baker Pub Group/Baker Books
- Published on: 2013-01-15
- Released on: 2013-01-15
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.40" h x .15" w x 5.40" l, .25 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 64 pages
- Fleming H Revell Company
From the Back Cover
"God wants you to have a marriage full of love and full of passion."--Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr.
Regardless of how long you've been married or the current condition of your marriage, this guide will help you make your love for each other last a lifetime. You'll remember why you fell in love in the first place, renew your commitment to your marriage, and rediscover your passion.
For over twenty-five years, Dr. Harley's bestselling book His Needs, Her Needs has been transforming marriages all over the world. Now you and your spouse can experience its life-changing message with this interactive six-week study. Designed to follow the His Needs, Her Needs DVD, this participant's guide takes you step-by-step through the important concepts of His Needs, Her Needs in six sessions.
Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of many books, including His Needs, Her Needs; Love Busters; and Draw Close. His popular website, www.marriagebuilders.com, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem. Dr. Harley and his wife, Joyce, host the daily call-in show Marriage Builders Radio.
About the Author
Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, a marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of numerous books, including His Needs, Her Needs; Five Steps to Romantic Love; Love Busters; and Draw Close. His popular website, www.marriagebuilders.com, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem.
Most helpful customer reviews
12 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
Great book, a must read every year!
By KerryWhite
Over a period of time, thousands of books have been written to aid couples in bettering their marriages. Some of the books are successful and some have literally fallen by the way side; however, Harley's book on His Needs, Her Needs would definitively have to be classified in one of the all time classics of marital help books. The amazing thing about this book is Harley's advice is marital advice that actually works!
In all practicality, Harley presents the idea that, "Marital conflict is created one of two ways: (1) Couples fail to make each other happy, or (2) couples make each other unhappy." The seconded thought is added-up as a failure to protect the marriage of which Harley chooses to omit discussing this thought in this book. However, he does mention where the second component of this idea is found and by tackling it in the book, this book's companion, Love Busters: Overcoming the Habits that Destroy Romantic Love.
This Book primarily deals with the issue that couples fail to make each other happy usually not by spite but rather out of ignorance in understanding each others basic needs that must be met in order to maintain or repair marital bliss. Harley's experience in counseling gives him ample knowledge about this topic and his findings are much worth our time to find them and practice them.
In addition to the author's thought, the book is built around the idea of "affair-proofing" your marriage. In his opening statement, chapter one, he addresses people who want happiness in their marriage, (and who does not?). Whether they be newly married, married for a number of years, have a bad marriage or just had an affair, marriage can be built or rebuilt if we would learn this basic principle and message throughout the book: "Become aware of each other's needs and learn to meet them."
As an undeniable truth, Harley boldly states, "If any of a spouse's five basic emotional needs goes unmet, that spouse becomes vulnerable to the temptation of an affair." This is his intent and underlining theme throughout his book.
In this easy-to-read book on male-female differences, you will learn to build a relationship that sustains romance, increases intimacy, and deepens awareness year after year. Certainly, we all can attest to the fact that men and women have different needs. Some of these needs may in fact overlap each other, on rare occasions, but for the most part these needs, the author sums up, are:
The man's five most basic needs in marriage tend to be:
1. Sexual fulfillment
2. Recreational companionship
3. An attractive wife
4. Domestic support
5. Admiration
The woman's five most basic needs in the marriage ten to be:
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and openness
4. Financial support
5. Family commitment
Harley did a wonderful job explaining and relating each one of these terms to each spouse in a non-offensive way, which speaks volumes in relativeness and applicability. Though, written in 1986, nearly twenty years later this book proves to be a must-needs in every marital situation.
Harley explains, "If the needs of men and women are so different, no wonder thy have difficulty adjusting in marriage. A man can have the best intentions to meet his wife's needs, but if he things her needs are similar to his own, he will fail miserably. When they assume men appreciate the same gestures of kindness they like, women, too, fail."
Based on the idea that everyone has what Harley refers to as a "love bank", he comments, "Figuratively speaking, I believe each on us has a Love Bank. It contains many different accounts, one for each person we know. Each person either makes deposits or withdrawals whenever we interact with him or her."
Unknowingly, however, no one actually knows how many of these deposits or withdrawals a person has, (Which, all-together, teaches differently than Chapman's book on The Five Love Languages, who says we do know and are to selfishly remind our spouse about our levels.)
Though clear communication and effective training , we can harness this power of wisdom and apply it to our marriages then we will reap a harvest of deep intimacy that God intended for us to have. Harley does just that, giving us the tools to better our communication and advancing ourselves in the eyes of our spouse in the irresistible way. This, of which, is something every marriage should contain, as we should not leave our spouse needing something we can give them and having the possibility of them finding and filling that gap filled by someone else.
This book was the most enjoyable book my wife and I have ever read and has revolutionized our marriage in ways that only reading and practicing Harley's experienced work could find out. We found the information within is far more valuable than most books on helping your marriage.
18 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
Great Relationship Investment
By UpDownAllAround
Some of the reviewers who say that Harley is out of date, sexist, etc., aren't giving him a fair evaluation in my opinion. When Harley states things like physical attractiveness are important to men - that's not sexist or shallow... it is reality. His whole point is that there are things that are GENERALLY important to the different genders. If a woman wants to get upset at a man for placing a premium on physical attributes what they're really saying is that they don't want to listen to a professional therapist's assessment after years of counseling. That would be like a guy saying that financial security or affection shows how shallow women are. His whole point is that the two genders are wired differently and in order to make deposits in the other person's "Love Bank" you need to learn what those things are and make an effort to meet those needs. The problem with most relationships is that many people think it is all about them... and they rationalize their deficiencies and laziness by saying the other person is shallow. If you really want a genuine relationship with someone other than yourself you need to learn what makes them tick and how to fill up that Love Bank. Choosing not to is the true definition of being shallow.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
This is great if you are
By John H. Walker
Saved my marriage! Also, it provides a huge amount of counseling for cheap for those who can't afford counseling. This is great if you are, or are partnered with, a woman with traits that are typically more "masculine." There are so many books that try to make you bend to something you are not if you are a "strong" woman in order to save your relationship. Those approaches are crap and are destined to lead to unhappiness. His needs, her needs is about recognizing your emotional needs and also recognizing your partner's and providing the resources to meet each other's needs. It really seems like common sense, but no one teaches couples these things.
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